Loved
by im2old4this
Summary: Dean is done watching Castiel struggle with the guilt of what he has done.
"I'm done, Cas."

Castiel jerked his head up from where he had been slumped over one of the Men of Letter's volumes on transcendental magicks. His heart hammered in his chest at Dean's words, and he swallowed hard. Even though he had been expecting this words much sooner, they still sent his world tilting.

"Dean...I...," he stammered, bumbling to find the words that might justify having allowed Lucifer to hijack his vessel for the past few months. He wanted to believe he had done it to beat the Darkness, but part of him knew he had just been hiding.

Castiel's eyes dropped back to the pages in front of him and he heard Dean let out a heavy sigh. A moment later, something landed on the book. He blinked down at the keys to the Impala.

"Come on; let's get out of here," Dean all but growled, his chair making a shrill scratching noise as he slid backward and stood up.

Castiel glanced up at him.

"You're letting me drive the Impala?" he asked.

A ghost of a smile flickered across Dean's lips and his green eyes took on a mischievous glint. He didn't answered, but instead called to Sam over his shoulder. "Cas and I are heading out for a bit. No wild parties or girls until we get back!"

There was an indistinct response from Sam from deeper within the bunker. Castiel scrambled to his feet and snatched up the keys, hurrying to catch up with Dean who was purposefully striding towards the bunker's garage.

"Dean...?" Castiel inquired timidly.

"I said I was done." He glanced Cas' way when the angel flinched. "No more moping. We're going to talk."

Castiel would have stopped right there in the hall if Dean hadn't reached out and grasping his wrist, dragged him along behind him.

"So what we're going to do is ride around until we find a diner that's open..."

"It's after midnight."

"Then we'll drive around _a lot_ until we find a diner that's open, and I'm going to buy a slice of pie, and you're going to _talk_."

They had made it to the garage, and Dean dropped Castiel's arm and stood waiting by the passenger side door. Cas shifted his weight and fiddled with the keys. "Dean...," he began, but the other man quickly cut him off.

"Do you hate me that much that you can't even be in the car alone with me for an hour?"

Castiel stared at Dean. "I...I don't hate you!"

"Really? 'Cuz you sure are acting like it," Dean nearly shouted, his drawl becoming more pronounced. "These past few months have been _hell_ , Castiel. Not knowing where you were, what Lucifer was making you do, or Amara hadn't killed you already...not know if I was ever going to see you again! It killed me, Cas. And now you can barely be in the same room as me and Sam, and you won't even look me in the eyes..."

"How the hell am I supposed to look you in the face knowing that I'm useless to you? Worse than useless!" Castiel bellowed, the emotions he had held dammed up these past few weeks spilling over.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean yelled back.

Castiel's shoulders slumped, all fight draining out of him. "I let Lucifer out of the cage. Before that, I released Leviathan. Each time, I thought I was helping, doing what I had to do to set things right... I don't see why _he_ kept bringing me back when all I do is ruin everything," he hissed bitterly.

Dean moved suddenly, storming towards Castiel. He grabbed Cas's arms, digging in his fingers. "Don't. Ever. Say. That. Again."

"Wha-what?"

"Don't ever talk like you shouldn't have been brought back. I won't even pretend to know why...Chuck...did what he did, but don't ever talk like you coming back was a bad thing. _You_ are not a bad thing, Cas. You are a very good thing. To me." Dean dropped his hands, and it was his turn to look away. "Hell, I hate this sort of thing..." he muttered under his breath. "Can't we just get in the car and drive?"

A small smile lifted up the corner of Cas' mouth. "I believe the rules for this thing is that the driver picks the music and the passenger shuts his 'cakehole'?" he asked, jangling the keys.

"We are not listening to your music, Cas," Dean replied firmly.

"Why not?" asked Castiel, half-laughing as he opened the driver's side door and slide behind the wheel of the Impala. Dean glowered at him as he crossed in front of the car and got into the passenger's side.

"Because Enya, Cas. _Enya._ "

"She relaxes me."

"Fine," hissed Dean without any real venom in his voice.

They pulled out of the bunker to _Orinoco Flow_ , and headed out onto the highway. The stars wheeled overhead as they drove, sometimes talking, more often than not sitting in a comfortable silence. They found a 24 hour diner fifty miles out, and both ordered a slice of the pecan pie from the pretty brunette waitress who flirted with Castiel, and not Dean. Back in the car, Cas still behind the wheel, they kept driving on, talking and taking random roads until the sun rose and Sam called to find out where the hell they were. They laughed as Dean ended the call, and Cas made a u-turn on the empty highway. For the first time in a long time Castiel felt the peace that comes with knowing that he was much more than useful, much more than needed. He was loved.


End file.
